A Letter to You.

Hi.
Well, I guess I'm not the one that capable of saying something nice about greetings.
So... hi.

Still remember me? Do you?
Or maybe you have forgotten me?
Me? What about me?
I don't forget about you. I still remember you.
I remember you like a girl remember her first teddy bear that she got at her 6th birthday.
I mean... Umm...
You are not forgotten. Would that make you feel relieved?

Let me refresh those little things that we used to have, in case you really don't remember anything about me.

I was the one who always hold your hand when I need a guidance.
I was there and I could feel the warmth started to wrapped my fingers.
You said, "Everything will be okay, don't worry. I got this."
Then I gave you my quirky smile but I do believe in you. Really.
I believed with all of my faith that I've had.
Well, I couldn't count on how much faith that I had that time but trust me,
It was a lot, abundance.

I was the one that walking on by a thin thread, really thin.
So thin that maybe if I was stupid enough to slip my steps, I guess I would fall down.
The worst part of being falling is not about the wounds that would bleed,
but knowing if there is no someone that would catch you.
But you were there. I swear I know that it was you.
You caught me then you raised me up.
I feel better than ever, I feel new.
Thanks? Right, thanks.

I was also the one that always look up to you.
Because I thought that you are my role model.
You did great things, you were amazing and maybe you still are.
I still have no doubt on you.
I care about you a lot and I know that nothing is impossible in your hands.
You were just like my very best friend.
Always there and always will be, that's what I thought about you.

But...
Like any friendship that exist, sometimes we got problems then we separated.
Yeah, being separated.
Not that I think that I could live without you nor betraying you,
I just want to...
have the time of my own.
I am trying to recollect every little tiny pieces that I've had slammed through the door.
Remind me if I do forget, but maybe...
In those small pieces I could find my faith flake that has been broken.
Then maybe... Maybe?
Well I hope I could go back to where I belong.

I'm scared, you know?
Being alone in this big damn world, I feel just like those tiny pieces.
I feel that I'm nothing. I feel lost.
I miss those old feelings when I'm with you.
We were stronger and we were better, much better.
We're standing together against the world like they are nothing compare to us.
We were the dynamic duo, yin and yang.
I need you like a junkie needs his drugs.
Huh, I'm not that romantic enough to make any appropriate and nice analogy, am I?

Last words.
I need you... to find me...
Cause I'm too blind to see the light and my ears are not on their best to hear your voice.
Would you?
Well, maybe if you do yourself a favor first by remembering me. If you could.
If you don't...
I would be sad.
Yeah, so sad.

The feeling of being alone is sometimes can stab you in the back like being stabbed with a sharp knife in the darkest place

"If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company" - Jean-Paul Sartre

The feeling of being alone is sometimes can stab you in the back like being stabbed with a sharp knife in the darkest place.

It hurts but you can't shout and tell it to others,

because they won't hear you.

It bleeds but you can't do anything about it,

because you can't think of anything.

The pain is not remain the same like it used to,

because you were alone and it was dark..

You wish you could see light.

You wish you had people, 1 or 2.

You wish you could heal your body and stop the bleeding.

You wish for something, something that may not exist.

You wish you could cry, but why bother?

The feeling of being alone is sometimes can stab you in the back like being stabbed with a sharp knife in the darkest place.

Then you realized that you died already, before you could think of how hurt it is.

:)

I found it not easy to fall for someone. I found it hard.
That makes me to make a promise to myself,
until I can find and meet a man who can make my world turns upside down,
who can make my butterflies inside my belly fluttered,
the one who can make me a better person than I was,
and respect his family as much as I do,
then
...


:)

Lost in Faith

"Faith: not wanting to know what is true" - Friedrich Nietzsche 


I lost my faith and I just did.
Call me a sinner or anything you want.
I'm ready to be the one who listens to your judgment.
I'm not perfect, but I just want to be a good person.
For you,
For anyone,
For others.

I know I feel hollow.
But, something inside me kept screaming, asking me if I could find what I've been looking for.
Something's missing.
Was trying to get on the right track, got slipped away instead.

I'm not a saint.
Maybe a sinner.
Alcohol and cigarette start to tickle.
Hell welcomed me and all I could say is "hello"

Life is Short

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. - Havelock Ellis 

Life is short, they said. You need to figure out who you really are and maybe you can start to learn how to love yourself.

Life is short, they said. You may never realized it but the memories go in the blink of an eye and you might make a history right away.

Life is short, they said. You can leave your past and start to make a new chapter in your life

.

Life is short, they said. You might lose all the people you love and maybe you could be the person who is being left behind because they said that life is short, too short… and you never know how many times are left.

The Old Man and His Majesty

I am not ashamed to say that no man I ever met was my father's equal, and I never loved any other man as much. - Hedy Lamarr

He was there for me when I first rode my tricycle, he also watched me fall and cried out loud.

He saw blood was pouring over my knee, like I know it was hurt so much I couldn’t handle it.

He didn’t run over me to pick me up, instead he crossed his arms and watched me to stand up even higher.

He teaches me that you may fall and wounded and broken and any unpredictable bad things can happen in your life.

He said, “You should not care about how hurt it is, care about how you manage to rise up and stand on your own two feet.”

He introduces me to the whole new life.

He makes me understand all the odd things and stuffs with weird meanings.

He asked me to come closer to him one day, he showed me things I’ve never seen before.

He told me to touch it. Cold, I said.

He, like know what I was thinking answered my question, “It called ice.”

He saw me being amazed and I saw him smile a little towards me.

He saw me too busy picked ices on my hand, but then it melts and I wondered why and how.

He rubbed my head, “It called melting.”

He looked through my eyes and give a speak, “Everything’s changing and it may not suits you but that’s what we called life.”

He is a busy man.

He is not a workaholic; he is a hard-worker.

He leaves in the morning and be home at night.

He says goodbye before leaving and make sure everything’s fine as I replied the same words.

He leaves with a carriage with two horses in the front and waved his right hand through the glass door.

He told me the night before when I was trying to close my eyes, “People will always say goodbye but it don’t matter when you know, in the end they will come home to you,” and he kissed my forehead.

He and I might not on the same page for everything and that’s not news of the day.

He gives his opinion and I do too then we argued, the song just remains the same.

He teaches me something though.

He explicitly told me in his argument.

He said, ”People are different, never be the same, never be as the way you wish you wanted them to be. So respect them for being different. Being different is not a flaw, it’s a gift.”

He and his capability to know the differences between us is just something that I couldn’t agree more.

He makes me like a 5-year-old girl again, years back when I was a little girl.

He makes me smitten when he spoiled me, even when he jokes.

He and his trolling average humorous jokes sometimes get the best of me.

He is not a comedian, well, he is more a geek than a comedian.

He just doing what any dad would do to his daughter, make her laugh.

He never told me but I just know if he wanted to say something like, “I would not let anyone make my little girl cry. As long as she can laugh and giggles, I would make her to.”

He might not know, but when I hear his giggles, he giggles like an old man.

He laughs and his giggles are just the best sound I have ever heard that could warm my heart.

He is a man, an old man.

He is being in my life, my little complicated life for about 20 years…

He is growing older and I know we all do the same.

He is just the best man I’ve ever had.

He and his awkwardness along with geekiness also with his curiosities makes me realized that we’re sharing the resemblances.

He is getting older but then I also wish him well and wiser through many many years ahead.

He is a man, an old man and…

He is walking through the earth with his majesty.

Padrè

"I know that I will never find my father in any other man who comes into my life, because it is a void in my life that can only be filled by him." - Halle Berry

Wanita paruh baya itu berjalan memasuki gedung putih di hadapannya. Ia tidak sedang berjalan sendirian, di sampingnya seorang gadis kecil berbaju merah ikut mendampinginya berjalan bersama. Itupun berkat bujukan si wanita, gadis kecil itu mau menemaninya masuk. Wanita berbaju hitam itu mengatakan bahwa hari itu gadis kecil akan bertemu dengan seseorang yang spesial. Tentu saja gadis kecil itu percaya dengan perkataan wanita yang Ia panggil "ibu." Bagian mana dari kata "ibu" yang harus membuat gadis kecil itu untuk tidak mempercayainya?

Kedua perempuan itu berjalan menyusuri lorong yang bagi gadis kecil, itu lorong terpanjang yang pernah Ia susuri. Sembari berjalan di samping ibunya, gadis kecil mengamati orang-orang di sekelilingnya. Wajah mereka tampak asing; kerutan di dahi, kulit yang menggantung pada tulang pipi, dan cara berjalan mereka yang harus dibantu dengan tongkat atau mereka malah harus duduk di kursi roda. Terbesit rasa kasihan dan iba di dalam dirinya namun  rasa keingintahuannya yang lebih besar mengusik dirinya.

Digoyang-goyangkannya tangan kiri ibunya, mencoba mengalihkan perhatiannya dari lorong.

"Ibu, kenapa mereka seperti itu?" tanya gadis kecil itu dengan polos.

Ibunya tersenyum mendengar pertanyaan anak perempuannya yang terlalu mencolok untuk tidak dihiraukan.

"Itu karena mereka sudah tua, sayang. Nanti kalau kau bertumbuh dan menjadi tua, kau juga akan seperti mereka. Ibu pun jika tua nanti juga akan seperti mereka."

"Aku takut jadi tua."

Wanita berbaju hitam itu seakan menahan tawa mendengar pengakuan putrinya, "Jangan takut menjadi tua. Tanpa kau sadari kau akan terbiasa dengan sendirinya." Jawab wanita itu sambil menggandeng tangan gadis kecil sesaat mereka tiba di deretan anak tangga.

Wanita paruh baya itu menuntun gadis kecilnya dan memperingatkannya agar berjalan dengan hati-hati supaya kakinya tidak terpeleset. Gadis kecil memegang tangan ibunya dengan erat, seakan takut kalau-kalau tiba-tiba Ia terjatuh dan merasa sakit.

Langkahnya berhenti di anak tangga yang terakhir. Wajah-wajah asing yang Ia temui di bawah tadi juga Ia temukan di lantai atas. Gadis kecil itu terheran-heran dan bertanya-tanya di dalam hati, tempat apakah ini? Kenapa ibunya mengatakan bahwa Ia akan bertemu dengan orang yang spesial?

"Sini, ikut ibu." Ibunya menarik pergelangan tangan gadis kecil itu dan menunjukkan jalan mana yang akan menuntun mereka pada orang spesial. Gadis kecil menurut dan mengikuti ibunya, walaupun perasaan skeptis bertahan di batang otaknya namun rasa kepercayaannya pada sang ibu membuatnya yakin pada ibunya.

Wanita paruh baya itu terdiam, berdiri kaku. Di hadapannya ada seorang laki-laki tua yang sedang duduk sendiri di kamarnya sambil memandang jendela dengan tatapan kosong. Sambil menghela napas panjang, seolah wanita itu memberanikan dirinya mendatangi tempat laki-laki tua itu duduk. Gadis kecil yang masih memegang tangan kirinya, diajaknya pula.

"Ayah," katanya, "masih ingat aku?"

Laki-laki tua itu menoleh kepada suara yang memanggilnya "ayah". Matanya menyipit, mencoba mengumpulkan memori-memori dalam otaknya, mencari tahu kebenaran siapa wanita paruh baya di hadapannya.

Ayah? Pikir gadis kecil itu dalam hati. Otaknya mulai bekerja, memperhatikan sosok laki-laki tua itu. Paras mereka berdua tidak jauh berbeda. Di dalam temaram cahaya lampu kamar, gadis kecil itu mulai mengerti dan menemukan kemiripan diantara keduanya.

"Uh, ya? Kau..."

Wanita itu menyebutkan namanya sambil menjulurkan tangan kanannya, berharap tangan ayahnya menyambutnya. Tentu saja jabatan tangan itu disambut oleh ayahnya. Perlahan ayahnya mulai sadar bahwa yang mengunjunginya hari itu adalah putri kecilnya yang sekarang sudah menjadi dewasa. Wanita itu mengguratkan senyuman di bibirnya. Ia lalu menarik kursi dan meletakkannya di sebelah kursi goyang ayahnya.

"Gadis kecil, kau duduk di situ saja," katanya pada gadis kecilnya supaya duduk di pingggiran tempat tidur.

Sesaat gadis kecil merasa teracuhkan oleh ibunya sendiri. Laki-laki tua yang dipanggilnya "ayah" itu merebut perhatian ibunya, Ia cemburu tentu saja. Namun begitu melihat sinar mata wanita berbaju hitam yang duduk di samping "ayah"nya, gadis kecil itu mulai mengerti. Wanita yang Ia panggil "ibu" itu seakan kembali menjadi seorang putri kecil yang sedang bertukar canda dengan sang ayah.

Beberapa canda dan saling tukar kabar membuat sepasang ayah dan putrinya itu merindukan masa-masa lama. Memang bukan suatu bentuk komunikasi yang menyenangkan untuk didengar maupun diamati. Si wanita itu 2-3 kali melontarkan namanya karena sang ayah tidak ingat siapa yang duduk di sebelah kursi goyangnya. Sembari tertawa dan mengulang cerita yang sama, tidak jarang wanita itu meremas pergelangan tangan ayahnya. Rasa rindunya pada sang ayah tersirat dari caranya memandang laki-laki tua di hadapannya, begitu dalam dan tersirat sedikit rasa sakit.

Gadis kecil yang berada di belakang memperhatikan tingkah laku ibunya, benar-benar seperti seorang anak perempuan yang sedang bermanja dalam pelukan ayahnya. Mungkin laki-laki tua itu tidak lagi memainkan rambut putri kecilnya seperti yang biasa Ia lakukan dulu atau mengusap wajah ayunya sambil menyenandungkan tembang-tembang merdu namun hal itu tidak membuat wanita paruh baya itu berkecil hati. Dengan melihat ayahnya sehat saja, hal itu sudah cukup. Pikir gadis kecil itu seolah Ia tahu apa yang ada di benak ibunya.

Beberapa menit tak terasa mulai berlalu, Ibu bersiap berpamitan pada ayahnya. Dijabatnya tangan sang ayah dengan erat dan lama, seakan tidak ingin dilepaskannya. Gadis kecil pun beranjak dari tempat duduknya. Sambil mengikuti ibunya, Ia ikut mengucapkan salam perpisahan.

Tiba-tiba saja sang ayah berdiri. Ibu tersentak kaget dan melarangnya untuk bangun dari kursi goyangnya.

Laki-laki tua itu bergumam perlahan,"aku ingin mengantarmu ke depan."

Begitu telinganya menangkap suara sang ayah yang parau, gadis kecil itu berusaha menahan air matanya untuk tidak tumpah membasahi pipinya. Dilihatnya tubuh renta itu berusaha untuk bangkit perlahan dan berjalan menggunakan tongkatnya yang berkaki 4, berusaha melawan kondisi tubuhnya yang sudah tidak kuat berjalan hanya untuk mengantar putri kecilnya pulang.

"Sudah, ayah di sini saja. Kalau ayah turun, nanti ayah kesusahan untuk naik. Aku bisa turun sendiri kok," kata putri kecilnya.

"Uh, tidak apa-apa. Aku bisa melakukannya," jawabnya dengan keras kepala. "Aku hanya ingin mengantar putri kecilku pulang. Itulah yang dulu selalu ayah lakukan."

Baik wanita paruh baya maupun gadis kecil itu sama-sama terdiam mendengar perkataan sang ayah. Gadis kecil masih berusaha melawan air matanya untuk keluar dari pelupuknya. Yang Ia tidak tahu, bukan Ia saja yang melakukan hal yang sama.

Untungnya, seorang pengawas gedung itu datang dan menahan laki-laki tua itu untuk turun. Padahal, kaki kanan laki-laki tua itu sudah Ia pijakkan pada anak tangga pertama guna menempuh anak-anak tangga lainnya hanya untuk mengantar putri kecilnya keluar.

Rasa tidak tega tersirat dari wajah kedua perempuan itu. Sama-sama melawan perasaan sedih dan kalut, mereka berdua hanya sanggup melambaikan tangan pada laki-laki tua itu. Laki-laki tua itupun melambai balik. Kedua perempuan itu memberikan senyuman dan salam perpisahan terbaik mereka, mencoba berdamai dengan perasaan mereka yang terlalu sulit untuk ditahan.

Belasan anak tangga sudah mereka turuni dan mereka masih terdiam satu sama lain. Lorong yang panjang pun tidak mampu mengubah pendirian mereka untuk tidak saling menanyakan perasaan. Gadis kecil mencerna sendiri apa yang Ia dapat di hari itu. Ibunya benar, hari itu Ia bertemu dengan seorang yang spesial. Seseorang yang ibunya panggil "ayah." "Ayah" yang duduk di kursi goyang dengan tatapan kosong menghadap jendela. "Ayah" yang menemaninya tertawa dan bercerita walaupun kadang Ia lupa kepada siapa Ia berbicara. "Ayah" yang tulus ingin mengantarakan putri kecilnya pulang dengan selamat walau tubuh rentanya berkata sebaliknya. Tentu saja wanita paruh baya itu merasa tersentuh. Semua bagian dari kata "ayah" mampu membuatnya menjadi seorang putri kecil kembali.

Philophobia*

Just a brief post.

Have you ever been in love? Pretty sure you have or maybe you are having right now, right inside your heart.
The feeling when you think about a person and it makes your tummy fluttered. Then you keep thinking about the same person over and over again, and the butterflies come more and more.
Have I ever been in love? Well, I'm not quite sure yet but I can tell I never been in love.
Love is such a complicated thing for me. Not sure what I'm trying to tell you here but I always scared to fall in love...hell, it's hard to fall for someone. I know it's not supposed to happen. Besides, falling in love is somewhat an easiest way to feel about someone. When you look at them and then you feel that you like them and then you started to know about them; something what they like and what they don't, and then you're getting to know them better; to know what they really are, and then blablabla... You know what happen next.
I'm not the kind of person who can fall so easily and I found it like a curse. Even right now, I have no one to think about in the middle of the night. I don't even understand about love songs and why it has to be disgustingly painfully romantic, I really don't. I can't make it through my brain why do person who feel that they're in love have to be annoying and so obnoxious in every second. I just don't get it. I'm sorry, maybe it's just... typical me.

(*) Philophobia: the fear of falling in love or being in love.

Heaven Forbid - The Fray

"Heaven Forbid"

Twenty years, it's breaking you down

now that you understand there's no one around

Take a breath, just take a seat

you're falling apart and tearing at the seams

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

It's on your face, is it on your mind

would you care to build a house of your own

How much longer, how long can you wait

It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)

It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)

It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)

It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

Out of this one

I don't know how to get you out of this one

I don't know how to get you out of this one

I don't know how to get you out of this one

I don't know how to get you out of this one

I'm sorry.

but I'm falling apart and I don't have anything to hold onto.

It's getting exhausting and sometimes  I found myself losing control.

It's like I'm trapped but there is no way out.

I'm tired getting on this way.

Perhaps someone upstairs would like to take a look at me for a minute.

I'm just... 

I'm sorry.

The Dreamer and The Realist

There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. 
You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true. 
You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun..
..and the realists, well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.

Modern Family - Eps. Punkin Chunkin

Broken Hallelujah

"A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life." - James Allen.

Sometimes to live, you've got to sin.
Are you a saint or a sinner?
I am just a somewhere in between.
Don't mean I'm not a believer,
but all I've ever learned from existence
was that it never does.
Even angels have their wicked schemes
and you take that to new extremes.
All of the ghouls come out to play.
I can see no way.
So I'm gonna cut it out and then restart.
Cause I was looking for heaven,
but then found the devil in me.
It's not a cry that you hear at night
or somebody who's seen the light.
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.


*song references:
Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab
Hallelujah by Kate Voegele
I Love The Way You Lie (II) by Rihanna
Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine

Death and All His Friends.

Those who are dead are not dead.

They're just living in my head.

— Coldplay -42

It was dark and windy in the late summer night,

where few leaves started to turn brown.

Death was walking all alone, smoking his last cigarette,

hope that nicotine would be able to warm his heart.

He sighed along the road, cause he couldn’t find something that he was looking for.

He felt lonely and empty, “I felt more alone than I have ever felt in my entire life,” he murmured.

He kept walking and smoked his cigar, hope it could also warm his soul.

There he was.

Death stopped.

Don’t ask why, he just did.

Death looked around and found Pain stood there with his somber countenance.

“What are you doing here?” Death asked.

Pain looked up and gazing directly through Death’s eyes.

“Waiting for you to find me.” Pain answered flatly.

“I’m not looking for you.”

“What a pity. Maybe Fate wants us belong together.”

“Follow me. Accompany me. Walk with me.”

There they were, walk together in the silence.

None of them would like to start a conversation.

At the corner of Death’s left eye, there was something glowing.

Something bright and white.

Death ignored it.

42 miles soon after they walk with no sound,

Death stopped, again.

This time, he distracted by the humming he heard.

Death approached him, a figure with the chanting in a nocturnal breezy wind.

“You found me.” He stated.

“And you are?” Death asked.

“Meet the Grief, sir.” He answered with a bow and kept humming.

“I don’t think I’m looking for you.”

“I don’t think you would find me either, sir. Maybe, Fate wants us belong together.”

“Follow me. Accompany me. Walk with me.”

Grief nodded and started to follow Death and Pain.

At least, they continue the midnight escapade with silence no more;

Grief showed how his melody of sorrow could alienate silence among them.

That flash light haunted Death.

It shone so bright it could burn his eyes.

Only a pair of his eyes could sense and see when others can’t.

Death avoided it.

Make him to turn around and took different roads.

Not too far from where Death found Grief, he stopped for the third time.

It was a solitary dark alley.

He saw a figure loaded with rage from his eyes.

He cursed then hit the brick with his bare hand.

Death walked towards him, Pain and Grief followed.

“Stop? You’ll hurt yourself.” Death said, full with caring in his tone.

“He’s Misery because he looks miserable, I can tell.” Pain stated like he could read Death’s mind.

Misery turned to the three of them and pointed his finger to Grief.

“Tell him to stop his mournful song first!”

“What are you doing here?” Death asked.

“I am mad! Can’t you see it?!”

Death tilted his head, Grief kept humming and Pain stare blankly thorough the empty street.

“Fate told me to wait here, in a dark stinky alley covered with puddle and mud. Awesome!”

Misery laughed bitterly, “Well, who knows I’m waiting for the three musketeers?”

“Follow me. Accompany me. Walk with me.”

“Do I have an option?” Misery asked sarcastically.

Death like any other front man, lead them.

Death like no other front man, take steps with no direction in his mind.

It was dark, so dark till no one can see other’s shadow.

Some said, it’s always darkest before the dawn.

It was a long journey.

There, four of them keep walking through the night.

Pain did nothing but let himself walked in silence.

Grief hummed still with a sorrowfulness rhythm as his favorite melody.

Misery couldn’t stop saying vicious words with his head looked up to the unclear canopy.

Death tried to make himself comfortable with his inconvenience feeling.

He now has friends who wanted to walk with him.

He’s grateful, yes he did.

It’s just didn’t feel right..

“Death?”

Death suddenly stopped his steps.

“I’m here. Can you see us?”

Death remains silent.

As far as he got to see was his 3 friends and oh!

The light.

“Who are you? What are you doing here? Why are you following me?”

The light appeared into 2 kinds of form;

A figure with a maroon gown, and other was wearing a violet dress.

“Why did you ignore us?” said the violet one.

“Answer me, or I won’t answer you.” Death snapped.

“I am Sincerity.”

“And I am Serenity.”

The maroon one and the violet one introduce themselves respectively.

“I am Death.”

“We know you,” said Sincerity. “Why did you ignore us?” as she repeat the same question.

“I thought your sweet moon beam was going to burn my eyes, so no, thank you.”

Death continued his step as he finished his words.

“You’re looking for a friend, aren’t you?” Serenity asked.

Death shuddered for a moment.

“You already have 3 but why do you think they’re not enough?”

Death thought about their words while he was looking towards his 3 new friends.

“Fate told me that I’m gonna through this night alone but I don’t want to be alone! I wanna have friends.”

“So you chose to be with them?” Sincerity questioned as she pointed the three of the other symbol of opaqueness.

“I have no choice,” Death answered. "Everywhere I looked there was Pain with his capability to not give words that don’t matter. Then I met Grief who give me another perspective to enjoy his lullaby in the darkness of the night and don’t forget about Misery. I feel pity for him because he keeps asking about the reason why he was there and blame it to the empty clouds. You know why I have no choice? Because no matter what road I chose to go down, there was no other option." Death said furiously.

“You do have options.” Serenity braces herself up to talk.

“No, I don’t!” Death shouted to the 2 figures.

Sincerity mediates the two of them, “We followed you around. Hoping that you might want to take a look at us and ask us to be with you through the night.”

“Fate doesn’t want you to be alone.” Serenity continued.

“I’m not alone anymore. I have friends. Look! I’ve got 3.” He lifted his fist to the air.

“Really? Are they friends or just a great companion to spend the night?” Sincerity said like she got the point.

Death fell silent.

“If you let yourself take Sincerity’s hand, I will follow you and you might find what you’re looking for.” Serenity proposed to Death.

“Will you?” Sincerity asked as she stretched out her hand.

Death seemed doubtful.

The silence crawled by; Death froze.

A Special Tribute.

"A good bye is never painful unless you're never going to say hello again." -Anonymous.

It was an ordinary song, in a day.
It is becoming a special song ever since.
A special tribute actually.
For a friendship that will never die.


It was a song in a rough time.
It is now becoming a memorial song.
To remind everything that had been through in 8 years.
To remember that there were days when we were together.


It was composed by words.
It is now becoming such a harmony.
Just like when a story of each days came in a sequence.
Eventually, it becomes a recollections of every tiny pieces of the happening.




It was a song for a friend.
It still a song to remember a friend
It will be a song that I never too old to listen to, for a friend.


For B.

Homophobia

"Homophobia is just that: a phobia." -George Weinberg

I AM THE BOY WHO NEVER FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL, BECAUSE I GOT CALLED A FAG EVERYDAY.

I AM THE GIRL KICKED OUT OF HER HOME BECAUSE I CONFIDED IN MY MOTHER THAT I AM A LESBIAN.

I AM THE PROSTITUTE WORKING THE STREETS BECAUSE NOBODY WILL HIRE A TRANSSEXUAL WOMAN.

I AM THE SISTER WHO HOLDS HER GAY BROTHER TIGHT THROUGH THE PAINFUL, TEAR-FILLED NIGHTS.

WE ARE THE PARENTS WHO BURIED OUR DAUGHTER LONG BEFORE HER TIME.

I AM THE MAN WHO DIED ALONE IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE THEY WOULD NOT LET MY PARTNER OF TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS INTO THE ROOM.

I AM THE FOSTER CHILD WHO WAKES UP WITH NIGHTMARES OF BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM THE TWO FATHERS WHO ARE THE ONLY LOVING FAMILY I HAVE EVER HAD. I WISH THEY COULD ADOPT ME.

I AM NOT ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES. I KILLED MYSELF JUST WEEKS BEFORE GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL. IT WAS SIMPLY TOO MUCH TO BEAR.

WE ARE THE COUPLE WHO HAD THE REALTOR HANG UP ON US WHEN SHE FOUND OUT WE WANTED TO RENT A ONE-BEDROOM FOR TWO MEN.

I AM THE PERSON WHO NEVER KNOWS WHICH BATHROOM I SHOULD USE IF I WANT TO AVOID GETTING THE MANAGEMENT CALLED ON ME.

I AM THE MOTHER WHO IS NOT ALLOWED TO EVEN VISIT THE CHILDREN I BORE, NURSED, AND RAISED. THE COURT SAYS I AM AN UNFIT MOTHER BECAUSE I NOW LIVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.

I AM THE DOMESTIC-VIOLENCE SURVIVOR WHO FOUND THE SUPPORT SYSTEM GROW SUDDENLY COLD AND DISTANT WHEN THEY FOUND OUT MY ABUSIVE PARTNER IS ALSO A WOMAN.

I AM THE DOMESTIC-VIOLENCE SURVIVOR WHO HAS NO SUPPORT SYSTEM TO TURN TO BECAUSE I AM MALE.

I AM THE FATHER WHO HAS NEVER HUGGED HIS SON BECAUSE I GREW UP AFRAID TO SHOW AFFECTION TO OTHER MEN.

I AM THE HOME-ECONOMICS TEACHER WHO ALWAYS WANTED TO TEACH GYM UNTIL SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT ONLY LESBIANS DO THAT.

I AM THE WOMAN WHO DIED WHEN THE EMTS STOPPED TREATING ME AS SOON AS THEY REALIZED I WAS TRANSSEXUAL.

I AM THE PERSON WHO FEELS GUILTY BECAUSE I THINK I COULD BE A MUCH BETTER PERSON IF I DIDN’T HAVE TO ALWAYS DEAL WITH SOCIETY HATING ME.

I AM THE MAN WHO STOPPED ATTENDING CHURCH, NOT BECAUSE I DON’T BELIEVE, BUT BECAUSE THEY CLOSED THEIR DOORS TO MY KIND.

I AM THE PERSON WHO HAS TO HIDE WHAT THIS WORLD NEEDS MOST, LOVE.

I AM THE PERSON ASHAMED TO TELL MY OWN FRIENDS I’M A LESBIAN, BECAUSE THEY CONSTANTLY MAKE FUN OF THEM.

I AM THE BOY TIED TO A FENCE, BEATEN TO A BLOODY PULP AND LEFT TO DIE BECAUSE TWO STRAIGHT MEN WANTED TO “TEACH ME A LESSON.”

"Love has no limits, only people do."

Tersesat itu...

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. 

Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." - Jackson Brown, Jr.

Tersesat itu melelahkan.

Ada kalanya ingin segera menyerah dan berharap pasrah pada bantuan yang bisa datang kapan saja.

Tersesat itu membingungkan.

Berusaha membaca peta dan tidak mengerti sedikitpun arah mana yang dimaksud.

Tersesat itu menjengkelkan.

Berjalan memutar arah dan berakhir berdiri di tempat yang sama seperti di awal.

Tersesat itu menyedihkan.

Membayangkan jalan pulang namun tidak sanggup menemukannya.

Tersesat itu menakutkan.

Terjaga tiap malam, berharap tidak ada yang mengganggu.

Namun kadang,

Tersesat itu menyenangkan.

Mengetahui sesuatu yang tidak diketahui orang banyak.

Tersesat itu mengasyikkan.

Mengeksplorasi tempat-tempat yang orang banyak tidak tahu tempat itu ada.

Tersesat itu menghibur.

Menemukan kuncup-kuncup kecil bunga yang mampu berpendar dalam gelap.

Tersesat itu memabukkan.

Sekali kaki kiri melangkah keluar jalur, membuat kaki kanan mengikut arah ke negeri antah berantah.

Tersesat itu mencandukan.

Keasyikan menikmati segalanya yang baru dan melupakan tujuan awal untuk tiba di rumah.

Karena,

Tersesat itu (sebuah) perjalanan.

It's all about FAITH

"For those who believe, no proof is necessary. 

For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." -Stuart Chase

• Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
• Student : Yes, sir.
• Professor : So you Believe in GOD ?
• Student : Absolutely, sir.
• Professor : Is GOD Good ?
• Student : Sure.
• Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
• Student : Yes.
• Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
• ( Student is silent )
• Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good?
• Student : Yes.
• Professor : Is Satan good ?
• Student : No.
• Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
• Student : From . . . GOD . . .
• Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
• Student : Yes.
• Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
• Student : Yes.
• Professor : So who created evil ?
• (Student does not answer)
• Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
• Student : Yes, sir.
• Professor : So, who Created them ?
• ( Student has no answer )
• Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
• Student : No, sir.
• Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
• Student : No , sir.
• Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
• Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
• Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
• Student : Yes.
• Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
• Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
• Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.
• Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
• Professor : Yes.
• Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
• Professor : Yes.
• Student : No sir. There isn't.
• ( The Lecture Theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events )
• Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat... But we don't have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold. Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot Measure Cold. Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.
• ( There is Pin - Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )
• Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
• Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
• Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something¡ You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . . But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
• Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
• Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
• Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
• Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
• Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
• Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
• ( The Professor shakes his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument is going )
• Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On - Going Endeavor, Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
• ( The Class is in Uproar )
• Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?
• ( The Class breaks out into Laughter )
• Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . . No one appears to have done so. So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?
• (The Room is Silent. The Professor stares at the Student, his face unfathomable.)
• Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
• Student : That is it sir . . . The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Moving & Alive.

NB:
It turned out later that the student is Albert Einstein

P.S: Do you have enough faith?

Well, it's on your own.

I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz